44 Ways to annoy Snape
by sectimsempra
Summary: Kadrin has 3 months to fulfill 44 ways of annoying Snape. Will she succeed? Or will Snape kill her by then?
1. Chapter 1

Kindra stared at the letter she had received via owl. Her eyebrows furrowed into a frown as she read the contents.

_Dear Kindra,_

_We have reviewed your application for the **Slytherins with a Death Wish Club**. We have one final test in which you must pass in order to become a member. Enclosed is a list of objectives for you to complete. Should you succeed, you will become an honorary member. Should you fail, your application will be trashed and you must wait 6 months before trying again. You have 3 months to complete the objectives._

_Sincerely,_

_Slytherins with a Death Wish_

Kindra located the second piece of parchment. Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline. A slow evil grin spread across her face. This was going to be an interesting 3 months.

* * *

Snape sat at his grading essays when a knock sounded on his door. A puzzled frown appeared on his face. Who in their right mind would come down to his office at 9:00 in the evening? "Come in," he growled, "this had better be good for your sake," he muttered threateningly as the door open.

It was Kindra, one of his best students. Oddly enough she was wearing a giant plastic apron. She came in really business-like. It had him very worried all of a sudden. Particularly when he saw the clarifying shampoo.

She stalked over to him, grabbed him by the ear and dragged him into the bathroom.

"What-?" he asked startled as he was dragged along, "what the blazes do you think you are doing?" he growled at her as he tried to reassert himself.

Without replying, she stripped him down to his grayish looking undies and shoved him in the shower. Next she poured out a generous portion of shampoo and lathered his oily, slimy, greasy hair. Once she had done all that, she turned and walked out before he could deduct points or stick her in detention.

Kindra made her way to the nearest bathroom where she proceeded to barf up all her dinner. Once done, she pulled the parchment out of her pocket and put a little checkmark beside the objectives:

_1. Make him take a shower._

_2. Make him use shampoo in aforementioned shower._

_3. Make him use __clarifying shampoo._

* * *

The next day, she turned up in potion's class and was very pleased with the results. He definitely looked cleaner than he had in years past. She suspected that had probably been the first shower he'd had in years.

He spent the entire lesson glaring at her, giving her dirty looks, critizeing her perfect potion, and docking points. He obviously was not pleased with the results.

Tucked inside her bag was a bottle of super-strong facial cleanser. She had put a special spell on it. She had had to get permission from a teacher to go to Restricted Section of the library in order to find the right spell.

As soon as his back was turned, she would apparate over and drop it neatly in front of him and disapparate back to her seat. Never mind the fact that it was impossible to apparate inside Hogwarts Grounds.

She waited till he was done looming over everyone like a giant bat and had sat down at his desk. She pulled the bottle out, with sudden inspiration bespelled it to follow him around regardless of whether he used it or not, apparated behind him without a sound, dropped it neatly into his lap and quickly disapparated back into her seat. By the time he had looked up, she was working on her potion.

Once again she pulled out her list and marked off:

_4. Apparate next to him, hand him a tube of super-strong facial cleanser, then quickly Disapparate before he realizes what happened._

_5. Enchant this cleanser to follow him around until he uses it._

The bottle rose up off his desk and followed his face around. Pretty soon, students had noticed. There was much giggling going on. He spent the rest of the lesson glaring at her. Quite frankly, she was glad when the bell rang for lunch.

* * *

Kindra sat in her usual seat in Potion's class. Professor Snape had started failing her, not that she cared. She was more interested in her membership.

Snape as usual was sweeping around the class examining Potion's and tutting here and there. When he finally got to her cauldron, she sat there bored, expecting him to fail her. He examined her Potion. "

"It seems you have forgot the beetle wings," he said softly.

She snorted quietly. She distinctively remembered putting them in her Potion, but if her wanted to fail her, then he could for all she cared.

He turned away. She grinned evilly as an evil idea occurred to her, "Professor!" she called after him.

Snape paused and his shoulders hunched up. He was obviously scared of what she had to say.

"I stole your favorite teddy bear!" she said grinning.

He spun around a look of horror on his face. "You stole Binky?!" he muttered tearfully, "How could you? He's never done a thing to you in his life,"

This is chapter 1, peoples. I decided to try my hand at humor. Did I succeed? Feel free to review and give me your comments. I look forward to hearing from you. By the way,

You should check out my Harry Potter RP site. The Url is:

h t t p : / / s 1 . z e t a b o a r d s . c o m / H o w a r t s R e m a d e / i n d e x /

Without the spaces obviously.


	2. Chapter 2

Kadrin grinned evilly at him. "He's a prisoner of war," she said cheerfully, "I'm holding him for ransom,"

"I hate you," Snape sobbed pitifully.

Kadrin almost felt sorry for him. Then she remembered her SDW initiation. That pity went away faster than you could say 'Snape wash your hair!'

"What do you want?" Snape asked.

Kadrin grinned, "Wash your hair," she said with an evil grin.

Snape's pitiful expression vanished. Kadrin noticed his hand twitching towards his wand. "I'm not giving it back until you agree to wash your hair," she said firmly.

Snape considered it for a moment before nodding, "I'll do it," he said in a resigned voice.

Kadrin cackled evilly. "Just kidding," she howled with laughter, "I've already burned it!" She wisely ran out the door before he could react. In the common room, she marked off two items on her list.

_8. Tell him you won't give it back until he agrees to wash his hair._

_9. When he washes his hair, tell him you were just kidding and said teddy bear has already been destroyed._

* * *

_  
_

It was the middle of the night that same night. Actually it was more like three in the morning, but that was beside the point. Right? She was on a mission to mark off yet another item on her list. This one would likely get her killed, but it was all in the name of a club. She could give her life to such a noble cause.

Kadrin crept down the hallways to Snape's office. She slipped in really quietly. She had everything she would need for the evening: Extra-strength hair products, a buzz-cutter*, and a permanent, no-wash, guaranteed to last a week with no way of removing, Weasley Hot Pink Quill pen, perfect for semi-perfect tattoos.

Snape was lying sprawled out on his bed. Kadrin couldn't help but giggle. Who knew that he had boxers with hearts that say 'I love you'?. Other than those, he was dressed in absolutely nothing. Kadrin was seriously contemplating getting some tan lotion, and maybe an airbrush, so she could give abs.

The first thing she did was cast a stupefy over him. She did not want to spend then next month strung up by her ankles in the dungeon. Next, she proceeded to wash his greasy (really, how did his hair get so greasy? It had only been three days since she'd washed it) hair. Once that disgusting task was over, she gave him a Mohawk by means of the buzz-cutter. Last, she took the permanent, no-wash, guaranteed to last a week with no way of removing, Weasley Hot Pink Quill pen, perfect for semi-perfect tattoos, and proceeded to write crazy all over his face.

Just before closing the door, she cast a reennervate spell on him. Then she made a dash for her common room. No sense in getting accused of something she did. Right?

Safe in her dorm, she crossed off three items in her list.

_10. Sneak up on him while he's asleep and give him a mohawk._

_11. Sneak up on him while he's asleep and write "Crazy!" all over his face in permanent ink._

_12. Sneak up on him when he's asleep and wash his hair._

* * *

_  
_

Potions the next day was…interesting. He looked ready to kill at breakfast. Kadrin decided it would be better for her health if she did not show up for breakfast. She was also debating skipping Potion's as well. She decided not to. Everybody was laughing at him.

Kadrin lounged in her seat in complete boredom. She had finished her potion and turned it a sample. She pulled her list out of her bag and perused it. She decided it was time to cross another item off her list.

In seconds she had made up an invitation to a make over party. Complete with music to go with it. When his back was turned, she flew it over to his desk. A minute later, he sat down. Then he opened it. The lyrics to 'I kissed a girl' rang out to the class. Everybody laughed. Snape glared at Kadrin. She did nothing more than flash him an innocent smile .

After class, she pulled out her list and marked yet another item off it.

_13. Send him repeated invitations to a makeover party - which emphasis on facials, shampooing, and hair-braiding. ("But you'll look so pretty!!")_

_**I'm back! Review please. I might update sometime within the next century. **_


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